Well Its been almost a week since my last post and quite a bit has happened. Last week and this week has been really good and I’ve finally got back to being my proper self again and not worrying about everything.
Last week I wanted to begin the week in a positive frame of mind and not feel angry, pissed off or annoyed with everything that has happened. I didn’t want to dwell on things and wanted to just get on with life. I left it a few days and Emily contacted me and we spoke a bit about things then got back to speaking normally. I still don’t condone what she did but at the end of the day we get on really well and there’s no reason why I can’t we civil and friendly with her. It may have also been the fact that I wanted to move on from everything that has happened and think positively that also led me to be nice and friendly to her but hey ho.
Again I didn’t contact her unless she contacted me but in the end after texting her a bit she came over on Saturday night after work because she wanted to talk to me. She basically said sorry for everything and accepted full responsibility for everything (like she should do) and expressed her feelings towards everything. She’s usually quite a closed book and doesn’t always tell me how shes feeling so for her to do that showed me that she’s perhaps woken up and smelt the coffee and actually realised that she needs to grow up. She did admit she would like to make things work again with us and to be completely honest I did to, but I did of course say that I still do not condone what she did.
I said we need to take things slowly and both work out if this is what we want as I don’t really want to just jump back into this even if I do still have feelings for her. I want to give it more time and see if the feelings fade and if I can forgive her and trust her again. The only way I can do that is by taking my time and possibly going on a few dates to see if I then do still feel the same way about her. Even in this short time she does seem to have grown up which infidelity aside was my other major gripe. I know she has wronged me and I’m not soon going to forget that but girls do have a funny way of working their way under your skin, but I think I am doing the right thing by taking my time. If I decide to take her back I would want her to commit for a while and be serious about making things work but I want to keep it fun. Quite honestly if we did get back together I imagine there are some friends of mine who would remain sceptical and have no trust in her and I say to them fair enough their entitled to their own opinions but at the end of the day every situation is different and we’re all allowed to pursue happiness, and if Emily is the thing that makes me happy then I should pursue that.
Right now I’m going to take time and work out how I really feel over a longer period and see how I really feel about her and then I can make an informed and proper decision.
Well today has been ok. I spent the day in London at Sega’s London office and got to meet sonic and learn a bit more about the company which was pretty good. But most of the day I still spent thinking about Emily and I do feel a little sad right now and I’m not sure why. Last night she did text me after dropping my stuff off. She said she found it hurtful how I compared her mistake to her fathers and I did hold my hands up and say sorry as she did hurt me but he was a massive dick who destroyed lives and she’s not like that. I’m not saying what she did was good but she’s not like him at all.
I did text her back saying sorry and that what she did was still hurtful. I did ask if things changed and we both got to a point where I had forgiven her and she was in a better place and remorseful and willing to give things a fresh start would she? she said she didn’t want to say for certain as she still felt hurt by what I said (even though its not as bad as what she did to me) but she did apologise again and said all she wanted was for me to hold her like I used to. I Said that I would like to hold her again but I said the best time was to take time and space and think of the good times. I was feel a little bit crap till she text me a couple of minutes ago commenting on a photo I put on Facebook in a jokey way.
I guess I still have feelings for her or have been so used to talking to her that I feel crap when I don’t speak to her or when I’m purposely avoiding talking to her. Right now I feel as if I’m getting over it and feeling better. I’m not so bothered about the breakup now and am still a little disappointed about her cheating but now I feel its so far in the past that I kind of don’t really care now. Since last Wednesday and finding out my feelings have gone through all sorts of somersaults. Right now I am over anger and am now moving on to accepting it. I still think I have feelings for her which is maybe what is stopping me from getting her completely out of my head but maybe thats how I really feel. Quite honestly by next week I want to be ready to move on and much happier for it. Before that I do want to have one final talk with her when I tell her that I’m in a better place now and feel good. I would also like to keep her in my life so it would also help if we didn’t finish on bitter terms but I’ll see how it goes.
Maybe we could give things another try and wipe the slate clean and start again but I’m not getting my hopes high. I feel deep down that I want to be with her and I do feel as if she won’t do this again but maybe I need to be stronger and not be a push over. But I do still have feelings for her. What I’m going to do is continue this week as I normally do getting on with work and keeping busy with one or two things and see how I feel by the end of the week. She also got me a present to go and see the Kings of Leon this Sunday ages ago and I’m not sure weather to ask her or someone else but I think I’ll see how I feel on Friday. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself or get my hopes too high as I’ll only be hurting myself. Hopefully by next Sunday or I’ll know where ‘we’ stand or where ‘I’ stand and then from there I can move on and start a fresh. I just have to be very careful I don’t put myself in a position to get hurt again.
Well I haven’t updated my blog/diary for a while now but shit has happened. Well on Wednesday we met and had a coffee together. It was rather nice and went well. We talked a lot about ‘us’ and how we feel about each other. She was saying that she still likes me and thinks she may have made a mistake in breaking up with me but was unsure. She said if she came to the decision to get back together with me she would feel selfish in asking me to get back with her as shes messed me around and it was her decision to breakup in the first place. We then went and sat in her car and talked for another hour or two and we were saying that if we were meant to breakup why do we still get on so well and why do we still have feelings for one another etc.
Anyway she said she had to tell me something and she proceeded to tell me that she had cheated on me with the guy who lives next door 3 1/2 months ago. She had lost her virginity to him a few months before we met and got together. At the time I was fairly understanding and I don’t think it had quite sunk in. Anyway after getting home I got really angry and pissed off with her and started texting her asking why and that I felt really betrayed. She decided to come over and talk to me. She explained it all and said it wasn’t planned and just happened. They exchanged a few texts and she went over there and did the deed. She said she felt instant regret and felt a whirlwind of guilt, and so she fucking should! She said she did it because she felt he had some sort of hold over her after doing it the first time. She said they hadn’t spoken in over a year and when they did she just felt she had to do it for attention. This to me is a bullshit excuse and to me under no circumstance is cheating acceptable.
That evening we talked for ages and I’m not sure how it happened but we ended up having sex. We cuddled afterwards for a couple of hours and then she left. The next day I just felt more confused and I can’t remember the details of the next few days but basically there were some angry texts exchanged mainly saying how betrayed I feel etc. She also got angry one evening but I ignored her and managed to keep myself busy. She then text me saying sorry and then got drunk on Saturday night and basically told me that cheating on me was the biggest mistake of her life and she still loved me. We then text on sunday some essay texts. I talked about betrayal and loss of trust and that we had something great till she fucked it up etc. She text back why she did it and it was only sex and she thinks very lowly of herself. She says that we still could have had something great and that I have blown this out of proportion. She also dropped by about 20 minutes ago to drop off all my stuff and we were amicable and conducted in small talk. In the box were a few of my things along with an origami flower I made, a present I gave her, a small wallet photo of us two and a page out of her diary saying ‘one year anniversary’. Reading that almost brought tears to my eyes but I snapped out of it.
So this whole ordeal has now turned into a complete cluster fuck. Before she told me this we were practically ready to get back together but not any more. I know I sent her some angry texts but I think she needed to hear it. What she has done is not acceptable in the slightest and it shows a complete lack of respect she has also betrayed me, lost all of my trust and acted very selfishly and immature. She has to realise that her actions have consequences. I am a broken man at the moment and the problem is I still have feelings for this girl but I know now she doesn’t deserve them. I think I may have been punching above my weight with her as she was gorgeous but I still can’t get past the fact she cheated.
I have to make her see that this is the wrong behaviour and if the only way of doing that is by not talking to her and not getting back together with her then I have to do it. If I get back together with her its almost like I’m condoning her actions which I do not. I do love her and have great memories with but right now I have lost all trust in her. She also didn’t tell me about it and I don’t know why maybe because she wanted the relationship to continue, maybe because she didn’t have the balls to do it or maybe because she’s emotionally immature she didn’t know what to do. Also when I think of it we started having problems about this time too and they seemed to come from no where. I assumed it was to do with uni and her dog not being very well but I’m certain its all come from this and her guilt. Also what pisses me off is that I thought that I had done something wrong and she made me feel as if I had when it was fucking her!
She does seem to have a lot of personal issues and not a lot of friends to confide in about it all. She thinks very little of herself and has self esteem issues but puts up this fun flirty front to everybody else. I just don’t know how I feel right now, a part of me says give her a second chance she’s learnt her lesson and what you had was great and it can be great again. The other part of me says fuck her she cheated on you and betrayed your trust and it wouldn’t work anyway as she’s off to uni soon. I’m just split down the middle. Although I know I’m not a bad guy I did everything right and gave her everything and she threw it back in my fucking face. Bitch!
Its almost certain that we’ll talk in the future and maybe even be friends and at the very root of it we get on famously. But she fucking cheated on me and can I ever forget that? I don’t know. Maybe one day I can forgive her but do not mistake that for condoning it. Right now I’m not sure what to think but I do know I’m still disappointed she cheated on me. To be honest I think she really needs to grow up and get her life in order. I’m sure one day she will look back and realise that she really did fuck this relationship up and I hope that she has learnt something. It’ll be interesting to see what happens in the near future and its almost exciting but all I know for now is I have to look after number 1.
Well unfortunately last night I didn’t have time to update my blog so I thought I would do it tonight instead. Since my last entry there have been quite a few interesting developments. After Emily called me on Sunday night she actually came over at about 11 and stayed till 1ish. She was nice enough to bring me half a tub of Ben a Jerry’s which I promptly finished. During the time she was over she was telling me how she felt, saying things like this week of no contact has been hard, and she regrets the way she treated me and wish she could change that and also she wasn’t sure if she had made the right decision in terms of breaking up. We also talked about how each other was doing and what we had been up to.
Honestly it was really nice seeing her and talking to her even if only for a short amount of time. It did however bring some feelings back and I did feel as if some of the hard work I had put in was starting to be un-done. We also made plans for Wednesday to go for a coffee after work and talk about things. She said she wanted to do it but was unsure whether it would make things harder or not.
I decided to accelerate my plans and give her the letter yesterday instead of Friday. I thought if I did that it would give her time to think about things and on Wednesday we could talk about anything she’s thought of. The letter was 5 pages of A5 in the end and once I started writing I couldn’t stop. It basically said that I was finding it difficult to deal with the breakup but right now I had overcome the first weeks emotions and I felt a lot more balanced. I also said that I know she was struggling with her emotions and that I knew that she didn’t know what she wanted and that she should sit down and ask herself some questions and really workout what she wanted. I did say that I would be willing to get back together if some things changed and she proved to me that she was serious about making it work. If she wasn’t then there is no point in getting back together. I did say that I’m not going to just run back into her arms. Whether we decide to work things out or just be friends I said we need to take it slowly and adjust to the situation.
I also dropped of some flowers with the car which she loved. I regard finding her flowers that she likes as a victory as she doesn’t really like flowers. I also got to see her mum and we made small talk for a little bit. Her mum really likes me and I think she sees that I am a genuinely nice guy and am a good boyfriend. I know that her mum had a go at her for breaking up with me and even had a little cry :(. Anyway after I gave her the letter we went down to the park and sat on then swings for a bit and just chilled and chatted then I went home.
Earlier today I almost text her but I resisted and not much longer after that she text me. She said that she loved the flowers and thanked me for the letter after reading it she said it clarified my feelings and she knew clearly where I stood with everything. She did say that one or two things were a bit cutting but she said at least I was being honest. After texting her a bit she did say she didn’t understand why I was still talking to her andnstill wanted to be with her. I pretty much said well there are a few conditions and I see something in her that she doesn’t see herself; and that shes a good person but doesn’t always see it.
She says she needs a bit more time to think about her feelings and she said she was scared that I don’t want to wait any longer. And that she wouldn’t blame me if I was sick of her messing me around. I said we’ll talk about it tomorrow.
So a lot has happened. I did feel a little bit down today but after writing this and thinking about things I don’t feel so bad. I think Emily is confused at the moment and could do with a close friend her own age to speak to about it all too. I don’t want to go out with her for the sake of it and I don’t want to make her unhappy. I’m not entirely sure whats best right now. I would like to go out with her but maybe she needs to mature a little more before we should get back together but I don’t know where or who we’ll be with when that happens. Maybe it is best to stay friends and move onto someone new. I just don’t know right now, all I know is my emotions are standing the test and staying strong despite one or two uneven bits. Let just start by seeing how tomorrow night goes.
Well I’ve had a pretty great weekend so far. Saturday night was pretty good and had some drinks and a good laugh with some friends. I was rather surprised no one asked about Emily. To me it felt as if everyone wanted to but didn’t. But still had a great night and also no drunken texts! Although to be honest I’ve always been pretty good at not doing that but mistakes happen. I also managed to get loads done on the Escort which was great. I feel much more focused on doing it right now and determined to get on with it
As of about 30 minutes ago there has been an interesting development. Emily broke radio silence and called me! I know madness. At first I did feel like not picking the phone up but I did and I’m glad I did. We started having a phone call like any normal phone call we’ve ever had talking about whats going on what we’ve been up to this week and gossip etc. Which was nice. We also did talk about things between us such as: who have we told, how we were feeling, how we were dealing with it etc. She said that her mum had a real go at her for breaking up with her haha mainly because her mum liked me and I think she saw me as a decent nice guy. She said that didn’t help her with everything but oh well.
She did say that she’s had a really tough time dealing with it all and been really missing me. She also said that not texting me has been really difficult for her and she almost did a few times but her friends stopped her. To be honest I’m glad she didn’t this week because its given me time to sort out me head and feel a little more emotionally stable. She said she regretted a few things and really missed me.She did start crying at one point and I did call her ‘babe’ Which really annoyed me but it was just an instant reaction of mine. So in future I’ve just got to be careful not to call her that. Also we were on the phone for an hour and twenty minutes!!!! Fuck thats the longest call I’ve ever made.
We also had a laugh and a joke about being single and the relationship which was nice. But overall it seems as if shes dealing with it worse than me. I did tell her that I’ve been struggling with it too but I’ve just been keeping positive and upbeat about it all to take my mind off things. Also I don’t know if its a good or bad thing but we also agreed to meet up on Wednesday for a friendly coffee. She said she wasn’t sure whether it would make things more difficult but she wanted to do it just to see me because shes really missed me. So I need to work out when to give her this letter I’ll either give it to her when we have a coffee or drop it off when she’s at work. Not sure yet so I’ll have a think tomorrow.
Overall I don’t feel too different now after the call than I did before hand. It sounds petty but in a way I feel slightly better in the fact that although I’ve felt like shit this week she’s felt worse and really bad about it all. Which is bad but even though she dumped me I’m still remaining mentally resilient and positive through it all. I’m winning!
I’ve got to be careful not to relapse or feel as if I’m still with her because I’m not and I keep saying to myself ‘your single’. I am glad I didn’t speak to her this week I feel as if I’ve broken the habit and don’t feel the need to text her as often. It was really nice to talk to her this evening and I feel really happy with myself in that I didn’t contact her first. Yes *First Pump*. I do miss her but I think I’ve got over the worst of it now and I can start getting on with getting myself back to normal and not dwelling on things. As we speak now shes sending me playful and flirtatious texts and while I am texting back I’m not constantly ‘OMG she hasn’t text me back’ I’m Kind of like ok cool not too bothered.
So I think I should give myself a big pat on the back and remain positive. This next week will be a little easier and it will be interesting to see how Wednesday goes but hopefully it should be ok. Keep calm and chin up!
Day 7…..wow its been an entire week since Emily and I broke up and its felt like the longest week of my life. This week has been full of ups and downs going from extreme heartbreak and sorrow to acceptance and optimism. If I’m honest I didn’t quite expect to feel this good after breaking up with the love of my life after only a week. Luckily I’ve been able to keep busy to try and take my mind off things.
At the beginning of the week I felt like a broken man. All sorts of emotions were going through my head such as: heartbreak, rejection, disappointment, feeling mournful and pain. I was and still am sad to have broken up with a girl who loved me and whom I loved. The worst thing was that there seemed to be nothing really broken with the relationship just what she perceived as a change in her feelings. I can’t pass too much judgement on how she felt as I’m not her and don’t know what is going on in her head.
I can still be slightly disappointed as I felt she could have put a little more effort in at times and she could have been slightly more transparent. At the end of the day I think the relationship failed because of her being emotionally immature. Now don’t get that confused with being mature as a person as she was very mature for her age. But in terms of emotional maturity she has a lot of growing up to do. Now when I look back to when I was her age I was exactly the same and I have matured a lot in terms of my emotions and feel a lot more in control of them.
I think this was a relationship that could have worked at another time and maybe one day it will when we’re both a little older; but for now I don’t really want to think about that. If I do I’ll spend a long time thinking what if instead of getting over her. I did start talking to a girl on tinder the other day and she seemed like a nice lass but it did make me realise that I definitely do not want a relationship for quite a while. For now I just need to be selfish and do what I want to do and when I’m completely over Emily maybe I’ll meet someone but until I come to that bridge I’m just going to focus on me.
I think that for the past month or so I have had it in my head that we were probably going to break anyway. I thought that after that talk she had already made her mind up so maybe subconsciously I was already grieving. Which is why after a week I’m feeling ok not great but ok. I think I’ve almost kicked my texting habit too., I’ve felt less compelled to text her the past few days that I have this week and I think I feel aright with that. It will still be nice to talk to her but for now I’m ok. Also she still hasn’t changed her status after a week. She either doesn’t want people knowing or she’s still clinging on.
This has been a hell of a week. I my emotions have been completely shattered and I have felt sad as shit but I feel as if I’m on the right road to recovery. I’m also really surprised at my emotional strength, yes they have been all over the place this week but I’ve been able to stay strong and positive. I could have quite easily spent this week pillow hugging and crying but I’ve grieved, tried to look of the positive side and kept my chin up. Writing this blog has certainly helped along with going on the relationship forum and writing a letter but not posting it. I feel good in this moment, I have a feeling that I might make one or two slip ups and mistakes and I’ll see what happens when I am presented with those obstacles; but for now I feel I’ve laid the right foundations to get over her and back to normal. My emotions feel much more balanced now and I just need to keep on this path to recovery. Hopefully this next week will be easier than last week and I can continue to remain positive and return back to normal. Either way it’ll be interesting to see how things go. :)
Day 5 sounds like a bit of a landmark day, it’s a good number. Well today has been a little easier than yesterday and the day before that and I felt pretty ok. Obliviously I am still thinking about things and Emily but I’m not over thinking it. All I really want to know now is how she is doing and I won’t know that for another week or so which is a bit annoying but I’ve just got to suck it up.
I was thinking today that I think it will take me a while to completely get over her but hopefully not quite as long to get my emotions on an even keel, and I think thats what I’m doing right now. I don’t think I’ll be completely over Emily until I start dating someone else and after speaking to someone I don’t think that’ll be for a while. I know its only been 5 fucking days so far but I don’t think I really want to date anyone for a while. That doesn’t exclude sex of course haha.
Also She still hasn’t changed her relationship status on Facebook, and yes I know its only Facebook and doesn’t really matter. I just found it interesting that she hadn’t done it yet, seems weird. Anyway I’m off to Scotland for a couple of days with my dad which should be a welcome distraction from everything and a nice little road trip.
I had planned to go away with Emily this summer but I guess that isn’t happening now :(. So I think I’ll have to go somewhere with a friend or on my own. I’m desperate to get away and would have loved to go with Emily which sucks but I guess thats how it is. If I’m honest I like being in a relationship, I know some guys love shagging around and never committing but I like being in a relationship as long as its with the right girl. One who isn’t too clingy or needy and but one you could spend a lot of time with and one who makes the effort and time for you. My relationship with Emily was like that which worked really well for both of us and its a shame it didn’t work out.
I do have a feeling that one reason she wanted to break up ,other that maybe being emotionally immature, was that she was probably scared of committing to a guy who was quite happy to commit to her for a long time. I do have to keep reminding myself that she is 19 and that at that age your thought process and perception of time is different from that or someone my age. Some people are happy with committing for a long time and others are scared by it and scared by what they’ll miss out on.
When I think about it maybe she is the right girl just not at the right time. Anyway I can’t think too much like that or I’ll just we thinking ‘what if?’ which will lead to me taking longer to get over her.
I was also wondering what this must feel like to her. I know obliviously she will be sad for a few days but as she wanted to dump me will it feel like a relief. Will she feel good about it? Because I know the dumpee doesn’t want the dumping to happen so when it does happen its feels worse. You feel rejected, depressed and empty along with may other negative feelings. Or does she regret this does she feel as if shes made a mistake and misunderstood her feelings. Does she feel like shes hurt me and didn’t realise how much she misses me. I don’t know maybe this is just wishful thinking. Oh well I won’t know till we talk again how she feels.
I know how I feel and its getting better but to be quite honest I do feel hurt but it’ll take a while before that goes away. For the time being I think I’m just going to be a bit selfish and look after number one. I think I’m going to get myself a load of new clothes and throw away a few old ones, treat it as almost a clean start. Anyway I probably won’t post anything till Sunday but until then enjoy.
Day 4…..only day 4 wow I wish this week would hurry up and end already. Well today was a little easier than yesterday and the day before that. Felt a little down again today but I kept my chin up and tried to remain positive. The days are getting a little easier as time goes by but honestly its still quite difficult. Like I’ve been saying for the past 4 days the hardest thing is not talking to her. All I want to know is how is she doing, is she miserable and broken up or is she fine and moving on already? Its difficult and its playing on my mind a lot but I know this break in communications is a good thing.
When I look back on it this two weeks will seem like nothing but right now its feels like an absolute age! I’ve just got to keep myself busy. Tonight I went out for dinner with two of my close friends and went for a bit of a play in my friends car which was really good fun. It took my mind off things and I had a good laugh.
I only have one day left this week as I’ve booked Friday off to go up to Scotland with my dad. We’re going up to see family and go to the common riding festival which should be a good laugh. The weather is going to be shit but hopefully it should be fun and should take my mind off things.
It seems that when you breakup with someone you spend all your energy and time keeping busy and trying to take your mind off things. Its fucking exhausting! Imagine what you could accomplish if you put all that effort into something else, oh well. I’ve managed to keep myself pretty busy this week seeing friends and doing something at least every night which is great. Although I do have a free evening tomorrow night which will be nice as I do like a bit of time to myself but I don’t want it to turn into an evening of self-pitty. I’ve already done that and I’m not going back to that stage. I’m going to get my stuff ready for Scotland, go to the gym and maybe do a draft of the letter.
Since the breakup I have definitely lost some weight too. I’m a skinny guy with a big appetite but I just haven’t really felt that hungry the past few days. Stress does funny things to you. Although I do feel as if I am getting it back now. Its funny when you think about it when you get into a relationship with someone you are either going to spend the rest of your life with them or breakup with them at some point. The trick is to just enjoy the time you have with them whether its a week a year or the rest of your life.
I’m also quite surprised how sober I’ve managed to stay during this period. I enjoy my drink especially whiskey and I’ve not touched anything until tonight and I’ve only had 2 glasses! I don’t always see the point in drowning your sorrows yes every so often you need exactly that but if you do it regularly, the problem is your problem is still there in the morning and you have a thumping head to go with it.
Anyway I’ve waffled a bit. At the end of day 4 I’m still struggling with the no contact and I should probably stop checking her Facebook, even though I see she still hasn’t changed her relationship status! I only have 9 days left and tomorrow it’ll be 8. I just need to keep plodding along and building myself back up. I have a feeling that when I see her next or speak to her it may undo some of the hard work I’ve put into getting over her; but firstly its inevitable I’ll see her in the near future anyway so I need to suck it up and get on with it; and secondly if I can see her and still keep my chin up fuck me my I’ll have a strong resolve. Right I’m off to bed soon see you soon.
Well today has been another ‘interesting’ day. Today has felt like a really really long day and this week has felt like the longest week of my life, and its only fucking Tuesday haha!
This morning I managed to get to the gym before work and go to a bodypump session which was exhausting and I felt pretty dam good after it. And on the way home I did drive past her house but luckily she wasn’t in. When I got to work I did feel like I was on a bit of a downer for most of the day mainly thinking about Emily and missing the things we used to do. That unfortunately lasted most of the day :(.
Near the end of the day I watched, well listened, to a very insightful video on youtube someone had posted about how he got over his girlfriend and managed to stay positive through the whole process. This perked me up just when I was feeling really down. I realised that yes its sad this has ended; yes its sad we won’t be the same again but I was lucky enough to meet Emily when I did and have one of the best years of my life so far.
It does make you feel shit having loved and lost but fuck it I’m lucky to have found someone to love at all and even luckier to have them love me back. I have some fantastic memories of the two of us and although it didn’t end how either of us wanted it to we were both happy while it lasted. Of course I’m still going to feel a little sad about the whole situation but at least I have the fantastic memories that put a smile on my face.
When I think about our relationship I can’t think of much I would change, even our breakup was extremely amicable and as breakups go it was a good one haha. At the end of the day everyone is entitled to pursue happiness and if there’s something in your life that is making you sad then you need to change that. Emily made me happy and I made her happy for a time, but the relationship then started to make her unhappy so she changed it and if I was in her position I would do the same thing so I can’t be too angry with her. All I can do is to build myself back up emotionally and physically and find something that makes me happy and stick with it.
I love her and always will and there’s no reason why we can’t stay friends and continue to make each other happy. It’ll certainly take some getting used to and I’ll have to rewire my thinking around her but hopefully it’ll all work out ok.
Anyway I did promise myself that I would put together a plan of action for myself. I think I’m going to keep exercising a few times a week; meet up with my friends; do things that I enjoy such as sketching; maybe take up a new hobby like rock climbing or a martial art; focus on restoring my mk1 escort and remain positive.
Today whilst crap at times has been a bit of a revelation and its only Day 3. I know I’m going to have some shit days to come and its killing me not being able to speak to her. But once this first week is over the one after that will be much easier. I also plan to write my letter to her Sunday night when I have a bit of free time and then leave it with some flowers by her front door. Hopefully she will read it then text me and we can then arrange to meet up at some point and take it from there.
Day 2 update
Only just wrote the last instalment into the ‘Diary’ but just had an interesting development. She isn’t an avid Facebooker like most of us and still hasn’t changed her status which I didn’t expect for a few days anyway but she has liked a load of things I’ve put on her wall which span a period of about 2 months. Seems odd but to me it says that shes reminiscing about things and maybe missing me putting silly things on her wall. Oh well just a thought.